Separation and Divorce Poems ♥️ Week 23
By Shiny ✨
Hello All 🙂
Well, I knew it would happen eventually: I’d forget to send out the post on time.
Perfection doesn’t exist. And I suppose that really is a beautiful thing.
Love,
Shiny ✨
Ode to the Bath May 30
The bath has been my constant companion
through this journey of however long.
I’ve stopped counting days,
except that I know we will be married for about fifteen more.
In eight days,
our tenth anniversary will come and go,
and hopefully pass quickly,
like Christmas,
Thanksgiving,
and all the hard days in between.
No matter what happens, I put myself in this bathtub.
I sort things out.
I calm my nervous system.
Sometimes I sing,
sometimes I cry,
sometimes I do nothing but stare into the void
of a million conflicting feelings,
a million emotions at war.
But it all gets sorted out there.
I make a ritual of taking care of myself.
I sit there and wait to feel differently, and then,
I do.
Waiting June 6 That date hangs before me on the calendar. I can think of almost nothing else. Which one, though? Which date? Is it the milestone we might have marked together? The one I had a secret trip-file for? For years, I’d been planning a renewal of our vows over a suspension bridge somewhere in the forest. I thought you would have loved that. Or is it the other date? The one that will finally and permanently sever our marriage for good? I want both of these dates behind me. I don’t want to see them on the calendar. I don’t want to live through them, I don’t want to wait for them, and yet, I don’t want to do much of anything else. The emotional labor of these, the last days of our partnership, of everything I knew in my life with you is slowly and quietly taking everything out of me. I wonder, is it the same for you? Are you keeping yourself busy so you don’t have to think about it? How should I know what you are feeling? I never knew that even when you were here. If you were struggling with all of this, you’d never tell me anyways, and I’d never tell you. So we survive somehow, silently, we say goodbye separately, as if it isn’t happening, to our love, our life together, to all the things we believed in and cherished. We wait for these days to pass so we can cross them off, and mark the last and final death of it all.
